The Return of Dreams

Sometimes we just need to rest and heal our tired and broken hearts.

Up until a couple of weeks ago I couldn’t have told you the last time I had dream while sleeping. I could have told you that it was sometime during seminary (most likely around 2016). I also could have told you that it was in response to a prayer. I had prayed earlier that day asking God why everything was so difficult right now. That night I dreamed that I exited the single student on campus housing parking lot, and turning my head right to check for cars I see a burned out Suburban still on fire. I get out of my car and start walking towards the Suburban. But as soon as I take a couple of steps I see a couple of mean Dobermans whose territory I apparently just encroached on. I freeze upon seeing them because I am expecting them to starting running towards me to attack. My expectations were realized. As soon as they started running the dream ended. When I woke up the next morning I heard from God: “You’re suffering because you decided to help.”

In a similar vein, it has been quite a while since I have had any dreams or ambitions in my waking life also. When I started seminary I had all sorts of ideas and goals and dreams that I wanted to pursue. Even by the end, despite all the things that had gone wrong, I still had dreams. But after graduating and moving back home and experiencing my health actually decline instead of recover my dreams died for me in my waking life also. I realized that I would not be able to pursue any of the opportunities I wanted to post-graduation because my health was in such bad shape and had actually gotten worse.

I think most people will be okay with the second paragraph. But I suspect some will have issues with the first one. The notion of God answering a prayer through a dream and then basically confirming it the next morning might seem too mystical or magical to be true. That is understandable. Unless you, like me, have had several such experiences like that I suspect that it will seem foreign to you. To be sure, such experiences aren’t common, or even normal. In fact I am fairly certain that there have been less than a dozen of these experiences in my entire life. But they do happen.

One thing I have learned to appreciate over these past few years is the link between the spiritual and the physical. I’ve come to realize that it is impossible to separate these two into neat little realms because they are linked together. I had no hope of ever appreciating anything spiritual in the depths of depression. Everything was bland, common, and meaningless. There was nothing magical or mystical about life. Even God Himself seemed distant and apathetic towards my situation; perhaps like a watchmaker who wound up my life and let it go never to check on it or intervene in it again. It has only been quite recently with the return of physical health that I have been able to once again recognize the spiritual and transcendent in everyday life.

In about a month we will celebrate what is perhaps the clearest example of the link between the physical and spiritual: the Incarnation. God will take on flesh and unite our corrupted human nature to his perfect divine nature. In my cynicism I hope and pray that for the first time in a long time I will be able to appreciate and meditate on this event once again.

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